random ramblings about the stuff and the thing

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I Really Should Have Thought This Through


At five years old, I gave one of my Trolls a particularly striking Mohawk haircut. Hairdresser of the Year, I was not – so I couldn’t wait for his radiant pink locks to grow back. Much to my horror and disappointment, they never did.

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A Letter to My Younger Self


Dear 12 year old me, I have some good news and some not-so good news about the next 17 years. Where shall I begin?

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Pearls of Wisdom Just for You (No Need to Thank Me)


Someone really ought to learn from my mistakes, so please consider the following life lessons my gift to you. You’re welcome.

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En Route to World Domination via Crazyville


I had one major problem growing up and his name was Oliver. I was utterly convinced that as my big brother, he was put on this Earth solely to make me look bad.

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If the King of England Thing Doesn’t Work Out

Chelsea Flower Show - Press & VIP Preview Day

I can’t help thinking that Prince Charles really needs a contingency plan, just in case the King of England thing falls through. So having picked out his key skills and experience, I have a few suggestions.

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Jam Sandwiches, Bubbles and Other Things Worth Getting Excited About


If only we could maintain our childhood innocence forever. We’d be delighted to win a jam sandwich at the Olympics.

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Job Centre Etiquette Courtesy of the Great Unwashed


I don’t make a very good jobless hobo. It seems good breeding and a decent education go against me. If I were to suspend all of my self-respect and decency, then I’m pretty sure I’d master it.

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12 Things You Really Don’t Want to Hear at a Dinner Party


Things that make you want to punch your host in the face or spit in your guest’s starter.

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The 10 Commandments of Facebook


Thou shalt not act like a complete cretin on Facebook.

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Salt Lowers Blood Sugar and Other Utterly Preposterous Things to Say


I have a confession. I secretly love it when other people say really dumb things. Does that make me a bad person? Quite possibly, but I can live with that.

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