Ever licked a crab? They taste like glue. I know this because I licked a scratch and sniff sticker of a crab once – and it tasted like glue.
Let’s face it – sporting events just aren’t what they used to be. If they were, I’d be a dead cert for multiple chocolate-gold medals.
Yesterday, I introduced you to my childhood chum Angie and her favourite colours – rainbows, pink and glitter. We became pen pals and bracelet buddies aged seven, but lost touch until recently, when our paths crossed again, this time purely by chance – in the blogging world. Holy coincidence Batman!
Dear Jessica, My name is Angie. I live in the U.S.A. I am seven. How are you? I am fine. Do you have a hobby? I like to ride my bike and roller skate. I collect scratch-and-sniff stickers. I enclosed some for you. They smell good but don’t eat them because they taste just like the regular kind of stickers.
It pains me to say this, but my mother is significantly cooler than I am. As a music journalist in the sixties and seventies she shared the back of a limo with Rod Stewart, had tea with Alice Cooper and brought Slade home for cheese on toast.
Having spent my formative years licking the back of her head, the Queen and I developed a special bond early-on. A little part of me died the day self-adhesive stamps were introduced.
Ricky Martin wasn’t the only one livin’ la vida loca in 1999. Oh no. Much like my teenage forefathers before me, I was answerable to no-one. Well, apart from my parents, my boss, several teachers and a boyfriend.
I can’t help thinking that Prince Charles really needs a contingency plan, just in case the King of England thing falls through. So having picked out his key skills and experience, I have a few suggestions.
Having heard a vicious rumour that the European government were trying to ban cookies, I decided to stockpile a lifetime’s supply of chocolate chips. Any sensible girl would have done the same. My actions may have been somewhat premature however, as it turns out the cookies in question are not the edible kind.
If only we could maintain our childhood innocence forever. We’d be delighted to win a jam sandwich at the Olympics.