random ramblings about the stuff and the thing
I first committed fraud at the tender age of eleven, obtaining property by deception. The item in question: one child’s lucky bag. Just to clarify – I did not steal the lucky bag; I merely purchased it under false pretences. That doesn’t however make this story any less embarrassing. Allow me to explain.
Now I do not wish to boast, but I have been blessed with an extraordinary ability to trip over my own feet. This is yet to deter me from dancing. I vividly remember my first school disco. It took place in the summer of 1991; I was eight years old and the pressure was on to look spectacular – so I decided against wearing my usual turquoise shell suit, psychedelic slap bracelet and scuffed plimsoles.
After several failed attempts, involving one giant paper aeroplane, thirty-six helium balloons, a home-made tea towel cape and a regrettable leap of faith from my best friend’s swing set, it became apparent to me at a young age that I was not meant to fly. Over the last twenty-nine years, I have also made several other painful realisations.
The world is your lobster. Jumping in muddy puddles will keep you entertained for precisely 4 hours and 27 minutes. Half the time it takes to get you clean again.
I didn’t necessarily greet the arrival of my fourth brother with the enthusiasm it deserved. I actually recall telling my parents in no uncertain terms to send him back.
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© Jessica Moorhouse, aka Jessseeker 2012. Jess-seeker. Jessica. Geddit?
Banner photos by Shaun Taylor Photography.