Dear Jessica, I Like When Men Wear Glitter

It’s that time of year again. Time to carve faces out of pumpkins, scare the bejesus out of one another and ogle men who wear glitter. Don’t you just love Halloween?

Please welcome back my fake childhood pen pal Angie, with another one of her charming letters from America in 1982:

October 30, 1982

Dear Jessica,

I was happy to learn in your last letter that your Queen says you can have Halloween in England and wear costumes and everything! Is that why Elton John went on The Muppet Show dressed like a space princess? I like when men wear glitter.

I hope your witch hat turned out nice! I get to be an Indian for Halloween! My mom sewed my dress and strung little beads on the fringe! When Halloween is over, I hope to stick those beads up my nose! I like costumes.

E.T. was a good movie. I liked how Elliott sticks a thermometer onto a light bulb and so his mom thinks he has a fever and so then he gets to stay home from school. I also like how he gets drunk. Beer makes you funny.

Do you like scary movies? This summer my mom dropped off me and my brother and his friend at the theater and we got to pick out what movie we wanted to see! We went to see the movie Poltergeist, which film critic Joel Siegel described as “so scary I peed right through my brown polyester pants” and film critic Roger Ebert described as “so scary that the current qualifications for a PG rating might have to seriously be reconsidered” and psychologist Dr. Joyce Brothers described as “so scary that I hope no children were allowed to see it because no doubt those children will grow to be cognitively stunted adults and will never again be able to look at clowns or television sets or other humans without crying.”

It was scary.