When TVs Were Fat and People Were Thin
There is an undeniable indirect correlation between the depth of my television and the size of my waistline. As the owner of a flat screen TV, this does not bode well.
I remember a time when televisions were fat and people were thin. Life was magnificent:
You could eat chips wrapped in yesterday’s newspapers without fear of getting herpes.
Protective goggles were not a prerequisite to every conker fight.
Thundercats were on the move, Thundercats were loose.
Having failed to solve a Rubik’s cube within 10 minutes, we all felt somewhat disheartened.
Having still failed to solve it 3 weeks later, it got thrown at the cat.
Shell suits were commonplace. Splinter the rat had a lot to answer for.
With thanks to copious amounts of hairspray and some serious back-combing, everyone’s hair was styled to emulate Fraggle Rock.
Game Boys were about as handheld as African elephants.
ET phoned home.
Video killed the radio star.
Kermit the Frog, Tiny Tears, Cabbage Patch dolls and Popples were regular guests at every girl’s tea party.
Zack Morris would eventually realise the error of his ways, dump Kelly Kapowski and marry [insert own name here].
For a tattoo without commitment, you simply bought some bubblegum. (Free inside).
Unless you wore a ring on your finger or your heart on your sleeve, then your relationship status was often a complete mystery to others.
No 3 years olds were contactable by text message or email.
Women everywhere could render any assailant unconscious with their shoulder pads.
Breakfast of choice was always an oat-based cereal with marshmallow pieces. (The trick was to eat around the cereal).
Trolls were highly visible and only said nice things about people.
Bathroom suites were available in an extensive array of colours: Avocado and peach.
We anticipated the imminent arrival of Hoverboards, safe in the knowledge – that thing called the interweb would never take off.