The 10 Commandments of Being Married to Tom Cruise
1. Thou Shalt Stoop to Conquer. Or at Least Give Him a Stepladder.
He’s only 5’7”. If all else fails, just stand really far away.
Though worry not, there’s plenty of his $270 million fortune to go around.
3. Thou Shalt Purchase Reinforced Furniture.
Oprah learnt the hard way.
4. Thou Shalt Not Question Scientology.
Or the whole “I think I’m an alien” thing.
5. Thou Shalt Not Bat an Eyelid When He Places His Life in Mortal Danger by Climbing Giant Rocks and Skyscrapers.
Lie back and think of the box office.
6. Thou Shalt Keep the Noise Down When Giving Birth.
And no you may not have pain relief. Quiet you.
7. Thou Shalt Not Full-Name Him. Ever.
Oh dear God.
9. Thou Shalt Not Stand Next to Him in Photographs.
10. Thou Shalt Accept Thy Best Before Date.
A quick heads-up: It doesn’t look good if you’re 33.
See also The 10 Commandments of Facebook.