Job Centre Etiquette Courtesy of the Great Unwashed
Having spent the last 3 months unemployed, I can now verify that I really don’t make a very good jobless hobo. It seems good breeding and a decent education go against me.
Several members of the long-term jobless elite have kindly educated me about Job Centre etiquette. I figured it was about time they did something productive. I believe it goes a little something like this:
Don’t even think about wearing anything tailored.
If not, then at least have the decency to wear a baseball cap indoors.
Do not under any circumstances actively seek work.
Job Centre staff are now fluent in mumble and grunt. Don’t waste your energy trying to connect with them. Avoid all eye contact. Speak to the floor. Finish each sentence with “innit bruv” or “know what I’m sayin’?”
You have a pressing engagement with your dealer after all.
Upon reflection, methinks I’ll cling on to my remaining self-respect and decency by continuing to seek work by honest means.
Oh – and I really must bin those hoop earrings.