12 Things You Really Don’t Want to Hear at a Dinner Party
1. “I could have sworn I had 10 fingers this morning. ‘Sausage Surprise’ anyone?”
Oh drat. I’m all full-up from the Bloody Mary soup.
2. “You need to bite off the wichetty grub’s head first. Then you just suck out its insides”.
When you say “need” – is participation mandatory? 
3. “I might have mistaken washing powder for sugar. You may wish to give the trifle a miss”.
I think I’ll brave it. I’ve been looking for brilliant cleaning and long-lasting freshness for some time.
4. “Of course it’s vegetarian. Chicken is vegetarian, right?”
Don’t be an idiot. Fish however is fine.
5. “I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I appear to have misplaced my pet caterpillar Dilbert. Who’s for side-salad?”
That’s terrible. What kind of name is Dilbert? 
6. “You’ll be fine, so long as you eat around the highly poisonous parts of your long-spine porcupinefish”. 
I’m experiencing shooting pains down both sides and have just gone blind in one eye. Is that a bad sign?
7. “Is this how they cook food where you’re from?”
I spat in your starter.
8. “I’m a fruitarian. I only eat what naturally falls from the tree. Steak and marshmallows grow on trees, right? ”
Do me a favour – pass me your steak and let me beat you with it.
9. “I hope you don’t mind, but I couldn’t find a babysitter – so I brought along Candice, Chardonnay, Tia-Maria, Rocky and Tyson”.
Curious names. Are you familiar with the term ‘child abuse’?
10. “Is this triple chocolate caramel fudge cheesecake non-dairy and non-fat?”
Oh absolutely. Haven’t you heard? All food eaten on a Thursday is fat and dairy-free.
11. “Party games? I know LOTS of party games! Let’s start by throwing our keys into a bowl…”
Let’s start by showing you the door.
12. “Just updating Facebook. Does nauseating have one ‘S’ or two?”
Allow me to demonstrate by a show of fingers.