random ramblings about the stuff and the thing

Excellent News! Nobody’s Perfect

I have four brothers. The eldest – Oliver, selfishly made life particularly difficult for the rest of us growing up, by being so goddamn brilliant. How rude. While I struggled to make a three legged cat from Stickle Bricks, he built the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World using matchsticks and wood glue. His Hanging Gardens of Babylon were particularly stupendous.

At eight years old, my extensive list of achievements included:

  • Playing a Daffodil in my school’s production of Alice in Wonderland.
  • Learning all of the words to Disney’s Beauty and the Beast.
  • Mastering my three times table.
  • Drawing a Viking, whose immense moustache protruded from his nostrils.

When Oliver was eight – he started programming computers. By nine – he moved on to assembler programming (whatever that is). I just thought he was showing off.

Some people are simply destined for greatness. Oliver is one of them. Though don’t feel too bad – he can’t cook:  

Rumour has it Victoria Beckham has twelve toes, Brad Pitt is actually bald, Adele’s breath smells of cabbage, Dame Judi Dench once had an illicit affair with Billy Connolly and Sylvester Stallone can’t sleep without his comfort blanket.

Okay, so none of the above statements are strictly true, but for a brief moment, when you thought they might have been – weren’t you uplifted, just a little? By learning the flaws and mistakes of others – we feel a little better about ourselves (and sometimes a teeny bit smug). 

If it helps – Lily Allen really does have a nubbin.

As I face the formidable task of job hunting in this uncertain financial climate, I am comforted by the fact I don’t actually need to be perfect. Excellent news, given that I have the hand-eye coordination of a Muppet, coupled with the athletic dexterity of Moby Dick. I may not be made for waitressing, cheerleading or fire-juggling, but I can string a sentence together. I even know what an apostrophe is and I’m not afraid to use one. So somewhere out there in the job hunting abyss is an occupation with my name on it, something I am meant to do – that doesn’t involve spilling hot drinks, dropping people, or setting myself ablaze.

I hear there might be a few openings at The Sun

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  • http://muddledmom.wordpress.com muddledmom

    Well there’s your chance! Go get ‘em! It’s the in you’ve been waiting for. Great post.

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      Dear Sun Editor,
      I hear several of your journalists have been arrested pending investigation. I am great – hire me instead!
      Yours, Jessica

      It’s in the bag ;)

  • http://domesticanomaly.wordpress.com domesticanomaly

    I totally heard that about Sylvester Stallone before.

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      It’s good that he’s in touch with his feelings :) Who knew? ;)

  • http://swimminginthemud.wordpress.com Swimming_in_the_Mud

    watched the “Oliver” video. hmmmm… I see your problem. ;^)

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      It comforts me that he can’t yet boil an egg. Otherwise I’d feel inadequate ;)

  • kpchicken

    Great post but don’t discount the daffodil role in your school play. It’s very hard to emote like a Narcissus species.

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      It is!! It is hard! Upon reflection, I think I should add it to my CV…

  • http://islandmonkeys.wordpress.com Sandra Parsons

    Hey, you didn’t mention that your brother is gorgeous! And funny. But then, that probably runs in the family. Good luck with the job hunt. You know, I used to be a banker too, and I am much happier, now that I am not anymore ;-)

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      I didn’t know he was. Are you sure? If you liked that video, then you may like this one too (it precedes the one above) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iMYYAhbAqyU&feature=player_embedded

      Fingers crossed for something new and exciting to happen! :D Good to know there is life after banking :)

  • http://fourthgenerationfarmwife.wordpress.com Fourth Generation Farm Wife

    I totally memorized all the words to Beauty and the Beast. Just recently I took my daughter to see it on stage and she kept telling me “stop saying the words mom!”
    Good luck with your job hunt!

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      I would LOVE to see it on stage! Tale as old as time…doop dee doo dee doop! :) Thanks!

  • http://gravatar.com/gingerbreadcafe gingerbreadcafe

    Good luck with the job hunt, as someone that has given a lot of interviews I would say be confident, dress well and don’t bullshit! If it is a something you are enthusiastic about/ good at it will shine through. P.S I only got to be the donkey in my school nativities!

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      The donkey is an integral part of the story – highly underrated. How would Mary have made it without him?

      Thanks for the tips! :)

  • http://momwhearingloss.wordpress.com johanne fraser

    love your post makes me laugh every time!

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      Thank you! Stay smiley :)

  • http://thesimplecountrylife.com/ The Simple Life of a Country Man’s Wife

    “Okay, so none of the above statements are strictly true, but for a brief moment, when you thought they might have been – weren’t you uplifted, just a little?”

    No! Not when it comes to Brad Pitt.

    Your brother’s video was great! Healthy home cooking is a worthy endeavor, and I hope it goals well for him. The more I learn about food, the more I am amazed as what goes for “food”.

    Great post!

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      Sorry for playing with your emotions like that. Brad has a full head of hair – and is as gorgeous as ever. Phew! ;)

      Thanks :)

  • http://thethingsineveroldyou.wordpress.com thethingsiwishicouldtellyou

    Hahaha I haven’t laughed so much in such a long time! This has defo made my day.. Thanks! :) xxx

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      You are most welcome! Glad to be of service :D

  • http://myfuturebluecat.wordpress.com myfuturebluecat

    Great post! Plus your brother’s video. – nice to know nobody is perfect! :) )

  • http://childhoodrelived.wordpress.com Angie Z.

    I loved this. And you really killed my dreams when I learned Victoria Beckham doesn’t actually have twelve toes. But are they at least webbed?

    By the way, you might not know this but you are now on the WordPress’ “recommended reading” page under the humor category. I saw this when I was doing my daily (um, yeah) stalking of the page to make sure my blog was still on there (it is…but probably not for long as I’m sure I’m setting off alarms by clicking on that page every day). It randomly circulates a few dozen blogs so you may have to check a couple or more times to see it there. Congrats! You’ve arrived! http://wordpress.com/#!/read/recommendations/

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      Excellent news! I was not aware of that at all :) Thanks for telling me – I shall check it out :D Hope you like your award :)

  • http://simulfactotem.wordpress.com simulfactotem

    Reblogged this on simulfactotem and commented:
    I love this! Be perfect at being you :)

    • http://jessseeker.wordpress.com jessseeker

      Why thank you! Glad you enjoyed it :) Did you also struggle with Sticklebricks?