10 Things I Wish They Had Taught Me in School
- Henry VIII put it about a bit. (Quite a lot actually).
- Guy Fawkes was a pyromaniac.
- “When in an exam situation – if you can’t remember the year something happened, just put 1962. Lots of things happened in 1962”. (John Keenan, Media Studies teacher; legend).
I was fortunate enough to benefit from a decent education. That said, I did once spend an entire term in Metal Work making a pooper scooper, so arguably my time could have been better utilised elsewhere.
There are several things that with hindsight, I wish they had taught me in school. Here’s my top ten:
1. Bullies Never Prosper
Those evil witches who pick on you now, throw pencil shavings in your hair and spit in your pencil case? Get the popcorn ready – they’ll soon be regular guests on the Jeremy Kyle show.
2. Don’t Be a Sheep
I don’t expect you to understand – you’ll only realise this in 15 years time, when you’re older, fatter and less firm.
4. Failure Is an Option
You are not destined to be a Tomato, win The X Factor or marry Ronan Keating. Once fully disillusioned – you’ll learn a valuable lesson and go on to succeed in something you never expected – like Rubik’s Cube solving. A key life skill.
5. “Be Nice to Nerds. Chances are You’ll End up Working for One”.
Listen to that Bill Gates chap; he’s something of an authority on the matter.
6. University is Not the Only Option.
Without it – you are likely to be just assuccessful, without sclerosis of the liver or a debt problem.
7. If You Down 2 Sambucas, 3 Vodkas and 5 Aftershocks in Close Succession, You Will be Sick and it Will Glow in the Dark.
8. No, You Cannot Hoover up Paper-clips, Don’t Even Think About Trying.
9. White Football Socks Do Not Respond Well to Sharing a Washing Machine with Red Socks.
Your husband and his team will not thank you either.
10. Career Wise: HAVE A PLAN E.
You are likely to need one.